I Don’t Want You To Feel…..
When you imagine having a challenging conversation with your partner or child, does an internal voice hold you back? That voice might whisper: "I can't say this because they might feel hurt, abandoned, or sad." Maybe you've noticed yourself staying silent to protect them from experiencing difficult emotions, or perhaps you've caught yourself carefully choosing words to shield them from any potential discomfort. This internal dialogue often leaves us caught between expressing our authentic truth and our deep-seated desire to protect our loved ones from experiencing what we perceive as negative emotions.
When we pause to examine this pattern more deeply, we must ask ourselves a crucial question: What's really behind this desire to protect others from their own emotional experiences? More often than not, the truth reveals itself - it's not actually about protecting them, but about protecting ourselves from the uncomfortable feelings that arise when we express our authentic selves. This leads to an even more profound question: How did we arrive at this point? The answer often lies in our early conditioning, where many of us learned the subtle yet powerful lesson that taking care of others' feelings should always take precedence over expressing our own. Think back - were you ever praised for being "considerate" when you put your own needs aside? Were you perhaps taught, either directly or through observation, that expressing your own desires was somehow selfish or inconsiderate? These early lessons, though well-intentioned, often create deep-seated patterns that continue to influence our relationships well into adulthood.
In my extensive work with clients, I've observed a profound and consistent pattern: the vast majority were never taught the essential skill of being effectively selfish. While their upbringing emphasized the virtues of loving others, showing kindness to others, sharing with others, and giving generously to others, there was a notable absence of guidance on how to extend these same qualities to themselves. This fundamental gap in emotional education has far-reaching consequences. It typically manifests as a deep-seated sense of internal emptiness, which then drives individuals into a pattern of constantly trying to demonstrate their worth to others. They often find themselves caught in an exhausting cycle of attempting to prove their importance, unconsciously hoping that by doing so, they can somehow earn or secure love from others. However, this strategy inevitably falls short, particularly within the context of intimate relationships, because love, by its very nature, cannot be earned, bought, or bargained for - it must be freely given and received.
If you find yourself relating to this complex pattern of trying to protect others from their emotions, it's time to pause and look inward with gentle curiosity and compassion. Rather than continuing the endless cycle of projecting onto others that you don't want them to feel something uncomfortable, take a moment to explore your own emotional landscape with the tenderness you would offer a dear friend. Ask yourself these crucial, transformative questions: What emotions am I actually refusing to feel within myself? What deep, perhaps long-buried feelings am I trying to avoid by focusing so intently on protecting others? What might change if I allowed myself to feel these emotions fully? This kind of honest, compassionate self-reflection can reveal deeper patterns that have been operating beneath the surface of your awareness and open the door to more authentic, fulfilling relationships built on genuine emotional connection rather than protective patterns.
Book a time together to explore how to create greater and greater capacity to be loving and kind to yourself.
